Distant

That is how I have felt the past couple days and the reason for the absence of blogging. As you know, I am pregnant and while I am beyond excited, I guess part of me is still bummed that I cannot have that perfect pregnancy. No, I don't know what the perfect pregnancy is, but I do admire those you can go through their entire pregnancy without gaining wait, having cravings or even developing gestational diabetes. Yes, I know that I didn't have morning sickness, I don't have any weird cravings. Yes, I know that gestational diabetes is not the end of the world and that as long as the baby is healthy is all that really matters, but I just want to be "normal" for one day of my pregnancy. I want to be able to eat anything I want and not have to count carbs. I want to be able to not have to check my sugar, not to worry about planning meals. I want to be able to just wake up, be thankful that I have one of God's greatest miracles growing inside of me and be able to focus on that, not on the food that I eat. I am sick of blood work and tests. I am sick of worrying about what my next blood sugar is going to be, what if it is high? What will happen next? I want to be able to go to a baseball game and not have to eat just the chicken because they don't serve wheat rolls. I am sick of feeling like this. I should be happy, I should be embracing what is going on instead I am sometimes sad. I know that this will pass, as most everything does. I know that I have many many more weeks of this, and I know that in the end the precious babe is the ultimate reward, just bear with me for a moment as I vent my frustration.

Gestational Diabetes

Getting pregnant is a major life changing event. With that, some people are able to pass the horrible 3 hour fasting glucose, and people like me are not able too. Some people can pass it early in their pregnancy and then fail later in their pregnancy. I, am that person that failed it early in their pregnancy, and for the next 6 months in my case, I have to check my blood sugar 4 times a day and pee on a stick with the first morning Pee to check for Ketones. Glamorous, I know. I am not upset with having what is known as Gestational Diabetes, Diabetes runs in my family which I knew put me at a higher risk for gestational diabetes. I won't lie, I am disappointed, but I would do just about anything a health care professional tells me I need to do for the babes. Adjusting my diet has its up and downs. Sometimes, there is something I want that I JUST CANNOT HAVE, and while I pout about it, then rub my belly and know that it is all OK. See, in being more conscious of the number of carbs, I have found some things that are just as good as the real deal. For example, Breyers makes a carb smart ice cream that I have to admit is stellar! To me, it tastes even better than full carb ice cream. But I digress... back to the subject at hand.
So far, the worst part of having gestational diabetes is the darn finger stick. While I know the rewards of having my blood sugars under control, I dread every single finger stick. Alternating the fingers does not make the pain disappear. I have learned that the thumb does not hurt as much as the rest of the fingers, although it does not mean that I enjoy it any more.
I am getting used to carrying my meter, and adapting my life in terms of being at the "mercy" of the meter. I guess it is getting me used to being at the mercy of the babes. Trying to plan meals has been easy enough, however, it does get tough on days when I work and trying to get ready for work and plan the meals makes life a little bit chaotic. Again, maybe it is life getting me ready for mass chaos. Who knows?! All I know is that while I hate sticking my finger and waiting for that little prick...I am enjoying every moment of being pregnant, and can't wait til the day that the babes comes!