I am..

I am a daughter. I am a blonde. I am a sister. I am a wife. I am a nurse. I am a mother. I am a niece, a cousin, a granddaughter. The newest thing that I am coming to grips with is that I may, just may be a runner.  As you know, I started running 9 weeks ago. 9 weeks ago, it was a struggle for me to run for longer than 90 seconds without getting discouraged.  Today, I ran for 48 minutes. It was a terrible run, I was doubting myself the entire run, but I kept telling myself I had to run at least 3.1 miles. I ended up running 4 miles. I keep knocking myself down, thinking I am not good enough, fast enough, strong enough. That I am not enough being me.  After the run, I talked with an experienced runner, who also is the head of the running club I run with on Saturdays (or on the Saturdays I can run). He didn't meet me the first time I ran, but he made it a point to say hello to me today. I had a heart to heart about him about what my goals were for running. He said something that struck me, and stuck with me..."the thing about running is that it is you against you." You know what, he is right. It is about me. It is about my fears of failure (come on I have been running for 9 weeks, you would think I would be at least happy with that), of not finishing something I have started (again, I have commitment issues). It is about all those people who don't think I can do this. More importantly, it is about me. This is bigger than me. This is about how I feel about myself.  After talking with Roger, he was telling me about other local runs that I am going to do. He also told me that I should just increase my mileage weekly, and while I am not built to win races, I am built to finish them, if I let myself believe that I can.
So, today, I am going to let myself start to believe that I am a runner. That I can do this. That in less than 2 weeks I will finish my first 5 K and the following week I will be running 5 miles every time I run. I can do this. I will do this. Hopefully you will be there to cheer me on. I promise, I am going to do everything I can to believe in myself, and hopefully you will too. Wait until you hear what races I have in store for me!

Bucket List-Exercise Version

Many people make bucket lists for things they want to do before they die. I want to make a more practical version, for before I turn 50. Yes, I just put that out in writing, even though I know that the time is distant.
Here is my bucket list:
*Run a 5 K ( less than 2 weeks for this one)
* Run a 10 K
*Run a half marathon in 2013
*Run a full marathon before I am 40
*Run 10 5 Ks
*Run 5 10 Ks
*Run the princess Half marathon (aka half marathon in 2013)
*Feel better in my skin
there is my bucket list....for now anyway

Monday Randomness (In bullet points)

* What a long weekend I have had, was on call on Thursday night which led into Friday morning, worked Friday 3-11 was on call all day Saturday and Sunday with each day rolling into the next day, for example last night's call, yep got a call at 0440 this am to be at work for 6am. So yesterday rolled into today.
*Makayla is trying to walk. Legit walking...like took 5 steps today before she gave up...
*We are looking at doing a lease to own for our next residence, thanks to my cousin Jason. He just started working at a company that does this, and with a percentage of the rent going towards the eventual purchase. I am looking at it tomorrow to see if it is even worth our potential rent/purchase.
* Working out and running are going. Down 34 pounds since May but definitely getting there.
* Makayla is still sick, sounds like she is getting better, but will know for sure on Wed.
*First semester of school is almost finished, finals next week in one class, next month in the other.
Well, there isn't much more to say going on right now, AND I have to go to work. Hopefully, I will be able to blog more to vent/catch you up on my life. No pictures today, but I will post some tomorrow.

Happy Halloweenie Birthday

Today is my nephew's third birthday. Yes, I know it is also Halloween, but it is more importantly his birthday. This year, my folks are there celebrating it with him. In 2 short months our daughter's first birthday will be here and then the grandkids are 1, 3, 5. Good numbers huh? Anyway, this is about him. I love how much Joey loves my daughter. He calls her His Kayla. He loves on her so much. He hugs her and kisses her, it makes my heart melt. Well, this is how he is with Shae too, but there is something about how he loves on my daughter that makes any day better. Whenever we miss him, I think about how much love he has for her, our trip to the Shore, for example when he never wanted to see her go. It is exciting to see how much their loves grow as they get older. Anyway, since my daughter is not able to sing it to you yet, here is a HAPPY BIRTHDAY video for you Joey. Hope you have a great birthday! Hopefully next year we will be there with you!

Sneak Peak

As you know, Halloween is coming up. I usually skip it because I am too old to go trick or treating. This year, I will be working from 3-11 on the actual day, but the weekend prior we will be partaking in as much of the festivities as a 10 month old allows. See, as you know this is my daugther's first Halloween. There have been a lot of first's in this 10 month, and Halloweeen isn't any different. Her Birthday in less than 2 months rounds out her "firsts" but let's not rush past time. So, here is a sneak peak at what she looks like in her Halloween costume. Enjoy.

Her costume probably looks better with a black shirt underneath, but we don't have one. Plus, the shirt I did put on her does say trick or treat! If I do say so myself, she is a cute ladybug.
Apparently when I was at work, my husband got a hold of my camera. Here are some pictures that he took.

HAPPY THURSDAY!

10 month update

10 months! How on earth do I have a 10 month old! So many changes are going to happen here in the last 2 months of infancy, I don't know if I can handle it. Please someone hold me! Anyway, here are the monthly posed pictures from her actual 10 month old day!

Makayla,
Yay! Your first year is almost here. You are really trying to walk, but man, can you crawl!! You love getting into everything and exploring all around you. You made your first artwork ever in your life, and it is hanging on Nana Mousie's fridge. At school they have a pink shopping cart that you walk behind and run around pushing it. Your best friend Anthony won't take a nap at school until he sees you, and he loves giving you hugs and kisses as much as you love giving them back. Everyone at your school loves seeing you, you always have a smile on your face. I love how independent you are getting, and how FINALLY you have some hair growing. At Church today I noticed that your top 2 front teeth are coming in, and that explains all the crabbiness and lack of sleep. Hopefully those teeth will come in soon and we can get a break from this lack of sleep and we all can get some sleep. Your first school pictures are going to be in soon, and we cannot wait to see them.  Your first Halloween is coming up, and one of them soon we will have to go visit Joey for his birthday. You love to dance, and you cannot wait to shake your bootie!
Mommy and Daddy love you very much! Happy 10 months old!

Blah

I am feeling kinda blah today, for no reason in particular. I got called into work last night at 1100 to assist with an appendectomy, and got home at 2 so I did get some sleep. I know I have a full week of work and school work so it's not like my schedule changed much. I just can't shake this blah feeling.  Over the weekend I was looking at my loseit.com on my computer (I usually use it on my phone so I don't view the entire site too often). Anyway, when I looked at it I looked at what my goal is, and how far I have come. I know that I have been doing loseit now for a while, but I think I started doing it again faithfully right before our family vacation. I also know that since vacation, I also started a C25K program, and joined the gym at my work, also to help keep me motivated. Well, looking at where I came from...I can say that I have lost 29 pounds since May! While I am proud of that, I know that there is so much more to come off. This starts week 5 of the C25K program, and I am happy to see that I have stuck with something this long.I take it one day at a time. I will post pictures tomorrow, of when I started 5 weeks ago and what I took today. While I don't see a difference, you might. What I can say, is that with all of this weight loss and running, my bras are now 2 cup sizes smaller, and my pants are 3 sizes smaller from May, but 6 sizes smaller than Jan last year. Yes, smaller than before I got pregnant. Here's hoping you are having a good week.