Wednesday, December 19, 2012

5 days...

I guess things are crazy. At least I am trying to blog once a week again, instead of saying I am going to blog EVERY DAY. Even I know that that isn't practical. So, here on Mostly Wordless Wednesday, I am going to overload you with photos of Makayla because well we all need something to smile at right?!?!
So, my brother in law got Makayla a car just because...and not just any car...

 I car that I think looks a little like a porsche...
 Makayla had to help put it together. "Me do daddy, me do!" Over and over she repeated...
Right after this picture was taken she had a heart to heart with me. "Mommy, get in, I drive you shopping." "Makayla, mommy doesn't fit." Makayla got out of her car, and said "Mommy, get in, we go shopping, and I push." Oh girlfriend, how much I love that you love to spend time with me. I can't wait for many more adventures with you. Happy Wednesday!

Friday, December 14, 2012

Happiest of Birthdays...

If you know me irl, then you know that today is the birthday of the sweet little girl who made me a mom. I didn't know it at the time that today was going to be her birthday, but when you are gestational diabetic they don't let you go to 40 weeks. 2 weeks before my birthday 2 years ago, I went in for my ultrasound appointment and the doctor said that I wasn't going to make it to 40 weeks. So, he said let's go meet with the scheduler and find out when we will be having this baby. I thought it was funny at the time that he said we, but looking back, there were a lot of people who were having this baby with me. The scheduler said, "looks like Wednesday, Dec 14th is the day we will be inducing you." I really asked if I could have her on a Friday so that I didn't have to miss more of work, and I was told that it will be Wed. Okay fine, Dec 14th it is.  The next 2 weeks were  a blur. Between work and getting last minute items together for her arrival, and then actually realizing that I was going to be a mom sooner than later all hit me at once. Tuesday Dec 13, I went to work as usual, and worked my 8 hour day. I went home and tried to nap, but I knew what the next day was going to be. How could they possibly expect me to sleep! But I tried to rest, and I FORCED myself to rest. Between resting and watching the clock I made little favors to give to the staff that was going to be there with me. In all honesty, I HAD no idea what the next day was going to entail. At 2230, I ate my last meal for the night, and at the time gave myself my last ever dose of insulin. (As of today, 2 years later, I am no longer diabetic and my blood sugar levels have been monitored and so far they continue to be good). At about 2330 the husband and I headed up to the Big House, if you ever saw this hospital here, you would think it is an airport. They have a scrolling marquee in it and I swear I expect it to say that your luggage has arrived at carousel 3. But I digress. My folks knew what time I had to be there, I made sure to keep them as involved as they wanted to be, but since this was my first, I didn't really expect to see them right away. Anyway, we got to the hospital at like 2350, and checked in. Then the waiting began.  At 0015, my folks showed up and we were still waiting. I chuckled because they were there already, but I also knew that they wouldn't have missed this in a moment.  At half past midnight they finally called me and escorted me back to what would be my home until the sweet babes arrived.  It was a whirl wind of paper work, and the staff was really awesome. The IV only hurt a little, and in all honesty, I don't really remember the details of the morning. I remember them telling me that they were going to start the induction now, and that it was a matter of time before the baby comes, but to try to stay as comfortable as possible. I don't ever remember peeing, and looking back, I must have been really dehydrated to not pee and have an 8 pound baby on top of my bladder. I remember a little after 1, I met the anesthesiologist and the nurse anesthetist and that later the CRNA provided me with the epidural. By later, I mean like 10 hours later, I waited until I was 5cm dilated.  I had a lot of fears about that part, but it didn't hurt at all. Not even a little. Looking back, I think if I have more children I will get the epidural right away and just ask for the medication later, but again, I don't remember that part so I can honestly say it didn't hurt. Throughout the early stages there were people coming to check on my cervix and my progress what seemed like every 30 minutes. It was like they waited until I fell asleep that they came in to check on me. After the epidural, I didn't really care who came in to check on me. I was still able to rest through the visits although I knew it was going to make me forever.   At 7am, when the doctor's changed, they not only increased my dose of pitocin, they also broke my water. The doctor had wondered why they hadn't done that yet and that was her plan. Like I said, by 11 I was 5 cm, I had been induced for 11 hours and I had finally gotten the epidural.  I knew that I was know half way to meeting my daughter and I would do anything I could.
At this point, you are probably wondering what is happening with my visitors. My husband was sleeping on a recliner, and my folks had brought blankets with them, so between sleeping out in the waiting area, going out for smokes, and sleeping on the floor in my room, I could only imagine the little rest that they did get. I do remember telling them to go home at some point to get some rest, although I don't remember where in the course of the day it was. I also knew that they wouldn't be gone long. My mom was going  It is what I wanted, if she wanted it too. At like 6pm, now almost 24 hours since my last meal, my dad went to get food for everyone. I think I kicked Joe out at this time and it was just me and my mom. I don't remember. Maybe it was earlier.
At 7pm, I was told that this baby would be coming soon. I laughed. I had pain. I cried. I didn't know there were so many emotions involved in the birthing process. I wanted, no needed, more medication through the epidural although I was afraid I wouldn't feel the need to push. They called the CRNA to help with that. He actually turned out to be a friend of mine and asked me for permission to take care of me. ARE you kidding?!?! I was like yes, please, thank you! He gave me medication, he checked on how well they were working. He gave me more. He talked to me about my pain. Told me what the medication could help with and not help. He apologized for pain he couldn't take away. He promised that he couldn't block the need to push. He apologized again for not taking away all of my pain. I laughed. I cried. I thanked him. At 2030, I was fully dilated and I was told it was time to have this baby. I was exhausted, I was tired, I was just so ready to meet this girl, I had had enough. I pushed. I cried. I pushed. I quit. I believe I had quit many times. My mom and my husband didn't let me. They encouraged me. The nurses told me I could do it. They told me I had this. I pushed. I cried. My mom cried. I pushed some more.
At 2050, my beautiful baby girl was born. I waited patiently to hear her cry. NO CRY. Every mother's worse fear. Still no cry. I tried to look over at her, I couldn't see her. They called the NICU. More people standing around her. Still no cry. My mom was crying. My husband (who never cries) was crying. I was now crying even more. I kept asking them why they weren't letting her cry. Why? Why wouldn't someone tell me what was going on. You could hear a pin drop. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the best noise ever. She cried. She screamed. I saw flashes of a camera. I heard nurses talking but with less concern. Finally, after my afterbirth was delivered, the doctor had explained that during my delivery the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck and at the time of delivery she wasn't breathing. She was blue in color which is why the NICU was called. I had asked if this was something they missed. No, it just happened during delivery, otherwise I wouldn't have labored for as long. I finally got to see her.

Later, some awesome people came to visit my new family, and all couldn't wait to hold her. Her Aunt Kaka was one of the most excited people to visit. 
My goddaughter Abby came in...straight from college, I believe to hold her.! She totally rocked it, and now, my daughter adores her!

My aunt, or was it my mom, had to get her this hat. It was the sweetest thing ever. My sister Rachel took this photo.
Here we are 2 years later, and I can remember every detail of Makayla Noele coming into this world and making me that happiest person alive. I never knew that loving someone like this was possible and there really isn't anything like a mother's love. She truly is so awesome, that I hope one day I can be as awesome as she is. I hope I give her the love and guidance that she needs and deserves and that we can continue to be the bestest of friends. She brings out the best in me, and hopefully I will continue to do the same for her. She has inspired me to do great things and I continue to do them today. I live my life to the fullest and I have her to thank for that.

Today, on the anniversary of your birth, I want you to know how much you have changed me.
You have shown me unconditional love and love I didn't know existed.
You continue to grow into that little, fearless, independent person and I cannot wait to see what the future holds.
I cannot imagine what my life would be like today without you in it and luckily I will never have too.
I cannot thank you enough for loving me for the way I am, but for pushing me (without you knowing it) to expect more of myself.
I hope to always have this bond and I know the day will come when you hate me...or at least think you do.
Until that time comes, I cannot get enough of your kisses and huggies. Your smiles and your laughs.
But, I just cannot get enough of you.
I love you forever and ever and to the moon and back.
Happy Birthday Pumpkin.
Mommy loves you!