Saturday, December 10, 2011

And Look A post...

So, I know I haven't written in a while, it just seems like I am trying to learn to balance this new aspect of who I am becoming with the old me. For example I am trying to figure out the best schedule of when to run/work out without sacrificing mother-daughter time. Therefore I usually wait until I take my daughter to daycare and then leaving myself time to do it before work. It seems to work well on most days, until the hubs has off. Then, that is when he makes it seem like working out gets in the way of everything. He makes it a point to guilt me out of going to the gym by saying we dont see each other enough, and while we do have the weekends free I make him feel invisible. I don't know how to respond to that, other than forfeiting what I love and actually LOOK FORWARD to doing, just to keep the piece. Sure, whi wouldn't rather eat anything they want and not have to work out. I am not one of those people. I haven't lost 40 pounds doing nothing. I am
not sorry that making myself healthier stands in your way of us doing absolutely nothing. We can still do that, after I go to the gym/run. I do it for me. I do it to clear my head, de-stress. In running is when I cut myself some slack. It is one of the times in my day that I allow myself to be proud of many changes that I have made. It is my opportunity to feel like I shine.
Sure, I didn't run today. Sure, I feel guilty. But, I created memories with my daughter and I wouldn't change it any other way. So tonight, on the eve of the one day a year that is about me, I am going to put my foot down. I am taking back my me time and going to utilize it in whatever way I choose. I am no longer going to feel guilty for working out, or for wanting to watch tv (currently I am obsessed with Friday Night Lights). I give 100% of myself in EVERYTHING I do. And I am done feeling guilty!
So, tomorrow as a birthday present to myself I am going to run 4 miles. I am not running from anything, just running to save myself.


Anonymous said...

You shouldn't feel guilty for running and what about sleeping ! love you mom

Shelze said...

I do sleep. I just probably don't get enough. But I get some and that is better than none.