Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Distant
That is how I have felt the past couple days and the reason for the absence of blogging. As you know, I am pregnant and while I am beyond excited, I guess part of me is still bummed that I cannot have that perfect pregnancy. No, I don't know what the perfect pregnancy is, but I do admire those you can go through their entire pregnancy without gaining wait, having cravings or even developing gestational diabetes. Yes, I know that I didn't have morning sickness, I don't have any weird cravings. Yes, I know that gestational diabetes is not the end of the world and that as long as the baby is healthy is all that really matters, but I just want to be "normal" for one day of my pregnancy. I want to be able to eat anything I want and not have to count carbs. I want to be able to not have to check my sugar, not to worry about planning meals. I want to be able to just wake up, be thankful that I have one of God's greatest miracles growing inside of me and be able to focus on that, not on the food that I eat. I am sick of blood work and tests. I am sick of worrying about what my next blood sugar is going to be, what if it is high? What will happen next? I want to be able to go to a baseball game and not have to eat just the chicken because they don't serve wheat rolls. I am sick of feeling like this. I should be happy, I should be embracing what is going on instead I am sometimes sad. I know that this will pass, as most everything does. I know that I have many many more weeks of this, and I know that in the end the precious babe is the ultimate reward, just bear with me for a moment as I vent my frustration.
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3 comments:
it's okay to feel frustrated, it's perfectly normal. being pregnant is not easy -- i know this, and i've never even been pregnant myself. if pregnancy were easy, men would have figured out how to do it by now.
but you said it yourself: "in the end the precious babe is the ultimate reward." nobody has a perfect pregnancy. NOBODY. does not exist. you are doing a great job. GD is NOT the end of the world. it's a pain in the ass, but it is not the end of the world.
you just have to keep reminding yourself every day that you "have one of God's greatest miracles growing inside of [you] and be able to focus on that, not on the food that [you] eat." you are doing all the right things, all the things you need to do to have a happy and healthy baby. this is what you want, and sometimes you have to do things you don't want to in order to earn your prize. love is sacrifice sometimes.
one of my favorite quotes, when stuff gets difficult: "nothing worthwhile is easy. if it comes easily, we don't value it."
and just think of how much fun it's going to be to make joe bring you ice cream first thing every morning once you have the baby, if that's what you want for breakfast. :-)
you can have carbs, even if they're not whole wheat. you just can't have a ton of them. so you can probably have half the bun. unless you want fries, too, and then you might be stuck with just chicken :-)
Pregnancy isn't like the movies! Its not a basketball in the front, and life is normal. Life IS interupted for nine months.. (and longer) Just like parenting isn't just happy blogs, and children perfectly dressed!
Sometimes you have to cry. Sometimes you're going to feel crummy. Sometimes you're going to be so upset that you laugh..at inappropriate times! I DID IT!
I was a hot mess express through out my ENTIRE pregnancy! I was sick all the time.. and I just didn't feel cute.
Trust me it DOES pass.. and it'll be SO worth it! I promise! I just wish I had a blog to blog about how I was feeling! Next pregnancy I will!
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