Sunday, April 26, 2009

I've been working on the railroad...

...all the live long day. Well not that kind of railroad, but I have been working...a lot.. and not just at work, I have been working out and eating healthier. See, I have always had an issue with how I looked. In college I was diagnosed with activity induced anorexia, and now that I am so far removed from college I see how I got wrapped up in body image. Every where on television there are actresses worried about weight gain/loss. These people are supposed to be role models to children today, so if they are always worried about their appearance, then no wonder we always worry about what we look like. Growing up, I lived in a typical suburban family, both my parents worked and my older 2 sisters and I were always active. We were doing something just about every day, so there was no need to stress the importance of family dinners. Dinner consisted of what ever the folks made, and if you didn't like it, you didn't eat it. While I am not blaming my raising to what happened in college, seeing my mom worry about her appearance probably affected me more than I knew.
As I am aging, or um maturing...I have realized that poor choices that I made earlier in life are coming back to haunt me. I am not in the best shape that I should be, and my weight is definately a concern for future health problems. Heart disease runs in my family, as well as diabetes, and hypertension. Again, all concerns that I too can face if I don't do something now. So, what did I do? See, tomorrow, Monday will be a month that I started ww, and I am really proud of myself for sticking with it. I used to pride myself on all the hours I logged in at the gym, but never really held myself accountable for the foods that I consumed. I would work out and then eat and eat and eat, and then workout again bc I felt guilty. With ww, I hold myself accountable for EVERYTHING. And I mean everything. I make sure that I log everything that I eat, even down to jelly beans. Yes, I do sometimes have those moments when I am tested, take Easter for example. There is always some kind of junk food around at Easter time, but I chose to eat the fruits and vegetables. I felt very proud of myself for being able to make healthy choices in a situation where ordinarily I would have caved. I am not saying I am perfect, I am far from it, but when I do stray off course, I hold myself accountable and then get back right on track.
See, I am not just trying to get healthy for the long run, I do have some instant gratifications. Knowing that my wedding is a little over 3 months away, I am determined to look my best for it. Even if I don't reach my goal weight, just knowing that I am closer to it is something that I am hoping that I can accept. I also have a niece and a nephew who when I am with them I want to be able to keep up with them, I don't want to have to say no because I am too tired.
Right now I don't see any difference in myself, but I am hoping that on August 9th, when Penguin and I are poolside on our honeymoon that I will be able to be poolside knowing that I look ok in that bikini and that all eyes are on us bc well quite frankly we will be the newlweds.

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