Sunday, August 26, 2012

Get Down and Dirty

I just got down and dirty. How, I did my 26th day of my AB challenge and since I stepped up the bar with the type I am doing I get really sweaty. I AM NOT complaining! I love that I am sweaty, makes me think I am actually working, which makes me feel great! Maybe just maybe in a year I will actually like my body. I know my plan for next month's ab challenge and I am excited to see the results. More so after next month, but I guess if I look at how far I have come, I cannot complain. (although I do, just to myself). I need to start finding the good in how far I have come.
Looking at this picture should put things into perspective, but it doesn't. Well, it does, but it also makes me want more. I need to step it up. No more backing down, no more excuses.
I put so much pressure on myself in the gym, and in what I eat, and then the weekend comes and I let it go. I need to put my finger on it. I think I have, and now I need to overcome, I will overcome
I will overcome. I just need to forgive myself when I make a poor choice, instead of throwing it all away.
Saturday I ran 7 miles. 7 pain free absolutely beautiful miles. I am so thankful everyday for what Breakfast Club Runners have given me. Friends that I never knew would understand my need to run, and my silliness. Next week I will be celebrating my runniversary. I think that on Labor Day, I will head to Plainfield Township's running trail to where it all started and run there again. It will be an emotional run, but a run that I deserve.  At breakfast on Saturday I was talking with Roger, Chris and Kim about what changes I have seen in my body since running. I think the biggest thing that I can say that the BCR gets is not that I am running because I am getting chased, but I am running from what I once was, and chancing down who knows what. Who that girl was almost a year ago. She sometimes rears her ugly head, on a day like today when I wasn't really active, but most days, she is in check. Those long runs remind me of where I came from, how much of a struggle running once was. How even just pushing M around is only 1/2 of the weight I lost in that year.  While the number on the scale may not be changing, it doesn't mean that I am not losing weight, it just means that I am getting more muscle. (I hope anyway).
I blog, not for the accolades. I blog to show the real me. The down and dirty me. The reasons I do what I do. The everyday struggles that I have. This is the real me.  Don't get me wrong, I love running, I love getting fit. I love that people come to me to help them get healthier, but I also have my moments where I ask myself why. has to stop. I need to believe in myself. I KNOW I can do it and that I will do it. My mom even "yelled" at me today when I made a comment about my pudge today. She reminded me to look at where I came from.

Feb 2010, before I got pregnant
April 2012
And to see where I have grown.
I will continue to get down and dirty. I will continue to embrace the struggles that will make me a better, healthier me. I will do it! I might whine and complain, but I know I will definitely need your support.

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